Too much happy?

Yes, it's Valentine's Day. Yes, I have a Valentine. But within the total package that is not what made my day.

It did start with a morning Valentine text (well played). 

Then the hoping and wishing and praying paid off. Big changes. A call of humility. A feeling that I could jump out of my skin. I have traveled the rest of the day in a surreal environment. I was able to reflect on the support I have received from my Gooseberries, Wicked, Ed, Silver, my babies, and a couple of dear friends. They have either hoped, prayed, or wished for me. They have pushed me forward. They have encouraged me. They have reminded me once again...there is joy in the journey. Hi ho, hi ho it's onto new adventures I go!

From there came a Valentine delivery of my favorite chocolates. In. The. Entire. World. 

Next. A trip to the mall where I was able to have my dad's ring sized and cleaned within an hour and at a decent price. Now I have my dad and mom with me.

Following my happy hand encounter I had the opportunity to go birthday shopping for Silver. I found that I loved this chance to take time and think of what she enjoys and what helps her on a daily and weekly basis. What role does she now play in my life and how can I thank her? Williams-Sonoma, here I come. Shout out and Happy Birthday to Silver!

Now you ask "Nan, my dear. Can it honestly get any better?" Well, yes it can! I was able to finalize plans to see Wicked. It has been a crazy 8 months since I saw that schmarmy grin. I am looking forward to a brief trip. Yummy food. Happy celebrations. Vermont snow. Ohhh! I need snow with Vermont maple syrup!

So my answer. No, you cannot have too much happy. Life feels like it may be starting to balance....for a bit...for a day or two. 

Fight or Flight?

“Fight or flight? If I had wings, there’d be no choice. 

But since I don’t have wings, I have to rely on my cape, and a long running start.
” 
― Jarod Kintz, The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.

Over the last two months I have been struggling with life forces. I knew a change was eminent, but I wasn't ready. I wanted life to just settle into some sweet happy routine for ...oh say a day or two?  But that was not meant to be. The pull in me was too strong. 

For nearly a year I fought Ed to not end our marriage. Then one day... I recall such pain in my heart...physical pain...that I said "You are right. We are done." Months later I sat with that memory. I looked at it from all sides, from every angle. I'm not sure what I was looking for but I walked away knowing I was not going to be the same woman again. That began a daily routine of seeking positive quotes and music. I still seek outside encouragement.

Then came the challenges I was not expecting. (I know...silly Nan...life does not follow a script) Daily quotes didn't have the same impact. I had to make some major life decisions. This was big, huge, humongous. Work, relationships, church, family. I had to prioritize. 

Did I stay and fight or take flight? How and with which ones?

I was lost.

My holiday trip to Massachusetts was my time to sit. Sit with my thoughts. Sit with my feelings. There was no escape. One thing I discovered was I wanted to be happy. But what was happy? Real happy? Did it look the same every day? And did I deserve it? Did I deserve to be happy? It's an honest question. As I looked through the pile of books my Gooseberry Gal left for me I discovered The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. I started the book and finished it two days...or less. Guess what? She basically asked the same questions. Whew. I wasn't alone.

Since then I have been mulling the ideas inside it's pages. Big goals. Little goals. But are goals really going to make me happy? Well yes, the research is pointing that way. Gretchen refers to Ben Franklin and his Thirteen Virtues. (She also has a plethora of resources on her website) So here I am trying to create a way of tracking this happiness. How to be accountable to me. It's a work in progress. I don't have answers yet. At least not all of them. I did discover a few. 

- I do deserve to be happy in my work life. Always.

- A relationship will not make me happy. But I can make a relationship a happy place. 

- Daily gratitude, prayer and meditation. Ask and listen.

Look at that cape? I can fly...and fight. I am worth it. I can and I will. Watch me.