See the lady with the lovely beehive...next to the adorable six year old. That is Ruby. She grew up in a small town in southern Virginia. She held a high school degree. She took her right to vote seriously. She educated herself about the people and ballot measures in her national, state and local elections. She would take that cute little six year old with her when she voted.

She never told her or her husband who she voted for. She said it was the one thing in life she could keep to herself.

The man on the right was a WWII veteran. Every night after work I saw him reading the newspaper at the kitchen table. No question. You educate yourself. You vote.

This helped to shape how I vote. I don't share that information. I will provide information on a platform that I feel strongly about. I will encourage everyone to exercise their right to vote. I am proud to say all three of my children voted in the 2016 election.

I have two thoughts on what we can and need to do.

How we respond.

As these last few weeks have unfolded I have been, honestly, shocked at some of the responses via social media. Not the amount or way of informing us, but by what friends have posted. The unfriending. The categorization of who someone is based on the vote they cast.

My vote does not fully define me...nor do I believe it defines you.

But I have seen too many people "delete" friendships based on one vote.

In my mind, if that occurs then you don't know someone. It also closes your mind. Removes any possibility of empathy.

Many people know that my love and I do not have the same view on all things political. We have had to explore uncomfortable conversations. We have had to decide on what to agree on and what to disagree on. We also know we respect each other. We don't belittle each other.

What I see on social media is the knee jerk reaction of liking or sharing a post/meme that we find humorous or defending our opinion. In those situations we learn nothing, except they know how to tap the share and post button.

I have a friend who during the political season and following has written out his thoughts and opinions. I value his posts. He asks for respectful written conversation. He accepts all views. It is a safe place to express ideas.

As you know, dear friends, I work with small children. We have an amazing tool we use with children from birth to six years of age. It's called the six steps of problem solving. Here is the trick...we teach them how to use this skill in all areas of their life. Our hope is that they can carry this into their teenage years and adulthood.

I see this as the biggest skill missing in life right now. Too many people respond like the six year old who has been raised on flash cards and technology. They regurgitate information and can't look someone in the eye, but hide behind a keyboard. They lack social skills and self regulation.

Yes, I am going to provide you with this tool. My desire is that you can, daily, practice using the six steps. I promise you will see emotions can be acknowledged and passion can be reigned in. You will discover there is more than one way to solve a problem. You will find more respectful conversations.

Here it goes...

Six Steps in Resolving Conflicts - slightly adjusted for the needs of adults.
1. Approach calmly, stopping any hurtful actions
Use a calm voice and gentle touch
Remain neutral rather than take sides
Set limits if necessary

2. Acknowledge adult’s feelings
“You look really upset”
Let people know you need to hold any object in question
Describe their actions

3. Gather information
Ask for information from each person and listen carefully

4. Restate the problem
“So the problem is…”

5. Ask for ideas for solutions and choose one together
“What can we do to solve this problem?”
Encourage participants to think of a solution
Help clarify the details

6. Be prepared to give follow-up support
Describe how they solved the problem

HighScope-6 Steps In Resolving Conflicts

The second is also how we respond.
I believe change happens with us as individuals in the community we live in.
Get out. Serve. Move your hands, legs, and heart to heal your community, city, state.
"Be the change you wish to see in the world." -Gandhi
“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” - Mr. Rogers

My prayer, wish, dream, desire...
That we will create an environment for safe conversations.
That we will be helpers...for anyone.
That we will create honest change.
Be kind.
Look out for one another.
Be a human safety pin, band aid, security blanket.

“She burned too bright for this world.” -Emily Bronte

"Listen to her when she speaks life. The world is so cold. That's why God made her heart so warm. When things get tough don't turn on her; turn to her. She's so strong because she's your backbone. Don't try to break her; build her and you'll be a better man for it." -Tony Gaskins Jr.

"You doubt your value. Don't run from who you are." - Aslan

"Little girls with dreams become women with vision." -Unknown

Bacon Cheddar Waffles

“Don’t you quit. You keep walking, you keep trying, there is help and happiness ahead. Some blessings come soon. Some come late. Some don’t come until heaven. But for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come. It will be alright in the end. Trust God and believe in Good Things to Come.”
-Jeffrey R. Holland