Inquiring Minds Want To Know. Why A Facebook Fast?

Let me start by saying once I hit post on Tuesday, January 28, 2014 at approximately 7:00am I proceeded to log off Facebook, deleted it from my toolbar and removed it from my iPhone. Within two hours I had two texts. One from a girlfriend saying she was proud of me and one from another friend asking if I was okay.
So you all know. I am OK.

But the next question is why a Facebook Fast?

A little background.
Over the last two years, give or take, many of you have watched the quotes and weekly Happy, let's dance, Friday videos. My initial purpose was to share what I was discovering as my own manna.
Daily I would scour blogs, tumblr, articles and youtube and vevo seeking inspiration.
Letters to place upon my spine to make me stand taller.
Music to make my heart beat a little faster and stronger.
Bits and pieces of words to cover the scars as they continued to heal.

Move along to these last few weeks and a conversation I had with the man I am seeing.
We were discussing my "need" to tag pictures and events with him. Because I have spent the last two years exposing my life....
inside and out
in the car
at the table
on the dance floor
next to Bean
watching Peanut blossom
in every scoop of ice cream (those were good ones, weren't they?)
and a thumbing my nose at the cold snow angel.
I assumed that documenting this relationship should naturally be included.
It's not. It's tag-less.
At this time in his life due to outside influences my "tagging" him is not supportive. Actually, it could really cause a great amount of discomfort in his life. But I was viewing this "tag-less" relationship as his way of saying "you aren't quite ready for my public display case."
From there we had a wee chat about Nan's emotional needs. Yes, I see many of you cringe and look away. I don't blame you. I had to do it. I had to look in the mirror. The magnifying mirror with bright lights. Then I had to look inside. Shudder.
The question came down to the possibility of him not meeting my need for public displays of attention.
Here is where we start to uncover the Facebook Fast answer.
He, nor I, meant PDA like hand holding in church, or kisses, or his arm around me, or winking at me across the grill pit at Mongolian BBQ. Those displays of affection? We are pretty comfortable with.
It was my social media life.
I asked myself...looking in that nasty bright mirror....if Facebook was not in my life how would I expect this man to show public displays of affection?
Holding my hand, or winking at me across the grill pit at Mongolian BBQ, or his hand on my back as we stand for a prayer at his church, or his asking me to go to that worship service with him and his daughter because it would mean a lot to him.
You have to admit ladies.....
Knowing a man is seeking you out over his food on the grill?! That is powerful stuff. Much better than a tagged picture.
Instead let me tell you about this man I am dating.

He's tall. 6' 3" ish.

We went to the same college but I graduated about 8 years before him.

I am not a cradle robber, he did graduate from high school the same year as me.

We grew up in the same state.

I believe every sports team we cheer for...are rivals.

He's not afraid of hard work. He can tell you nasty things about a duck factory.

He can cook. 

He prays.

A thirteen year old boy with a wicked sense of humor resides inside him.

He is a tender, loving, and task oriented dad. He sees it as a blessing.

He. Can. Kiss. It makes my knees weak.

When he's happy and pleased this little dimple plays on the right side of his mouth and it makes me smile.

My public display of affection in return? A Facebook Fast.
Time to step back and really look at how and why I was using this resource.
Here is what I have discovered so far:
-I have about....ummmm...I'm not going to reveal how much extra time, just know there is extra time in my daily schedule.
-I was able to listen to the State of the Union Address. By myself. Without reading one biased or unbiased comment. So refreshing! I could draw my own opinion....novel idea.
-I missed someone coming back to a page that caused my blood pressure to rise instantly by their comments. A page I wanted to be on, but it created such tension in my body. Missed it.
- I am an introvert. Social media is a very compelling way for us to open up and create a larger social circle. When in the end....my circle is very small. Not that I was false on Facebook but I was just too much of me.
- I was determined to show all of you I was happy. I mean I was dang jubilant! I was so over all the bad dribble in my life I was going to make sure you knew it every day. It was exhausting.
- I've discovered who wants to stay in touch with me and who I need to stay in contact with.
- I thought I needed to show you I was in a relationship to say "see? I am worthy of being loved." Instead of listening to my own powerful words. I am a strong, beautiful, healthy woman worthy of being loved.
- The pressure! Oy! The pressure to find the right video. To find new quotes that were witty, striking, cleansing, empowering.

One more thing.
“Long distance is hard. You have to trust that as you each change on your own, your relationship will also change along with you. It takes hope, good humor, and idealism. It takes a massive dose of courage to protect the relationship at all odds. It is hard, but worth it. You'll both be stronger as a result.” 
― Craig M. Mullaney

Take Your Pleasure Seriously

please

verb

1. 1.

   cause to feel happy and satisfied.
2. 2.

   take only one's own wishes into consideration in deciding how to act or proceed.

Related words:

Afterglow, bliss, felicity, glee, gleefulness, joy, pleasance, amusement, diversion, entertainment, elatedness, elation, exhilaration, exultation, intoxication, ecstasy, euphoria, heaven, rapture, cheer, cheerfulness, exuberance, gaiety, jollity, joyfulness, jubilation, joie de vivre, comfort, ease, restfulness

If you know me, you know I am a sensory person. I am a touchy feely kind of gal. My fingers run across the folded scarves as I walk by in the store. My newborn wee one? Ohh! Touching her soft head, smelling her baby smell neck, kissing her soft temple. Fourth of July? My favorite holiday because of fireworks. The boom in my chest, the bright colors, often the warm air on my skin, typically the smell of carnival foods. My visit to The Chocolate Lounge in Asheville, NC...let me take a moment.....sigh, yes it was a sensory experience. The smell of the store, the decor, the crowd, and most definitely the taste of the chocolate creme brulee. It's a visit that I will not likely forget because I took it in with all my senses.

Today I came across a blog that talked about pleasure. Not solely physical pleasure, but our five senses. The blogger suggested that our five senses require pleasure and that ""Pleasure is quite simply a daily medicine needed for living well and being full."

She then goes on to advocate that we should be intentional about our pleasure on a daily basis. What pleases us. From the simple to the grand. What would make waking up pleasurable? Eating breakfast? Your drive to work? Look at each moment and examine your senses and determine how to add pleasure.

Now. How do I take the advice of said blogger and have my daily Vitamin P (for pleasure) and not put myself into sensory overload?  How do I focus my pleasure in everyday, mundane tasks?

Here is where I started. 

How can I have pleasure in going to bed? Hey, now. This is PG-13 folks. Even though we have had the conversation of my missing physical touch we aren't going there now. Back to bedtime routines and pleasure. I have a comfy t-shirt, soft sheets and warm down comforters. This brings me pleasure.

How can I have pleasure on my drive to work? It's only 15 minutes, but I hate the morning talk show dribble. I could listen to NPR, but that just doesn't cut it everyday. I have created a playlist of dance songs that I sync in the car. Therefore if you see my little Focus boppin along...you know I'm feeling pleasure.

How can I release myself from a stressful day? I have discovered that the smell of good chocolate will calm me. Tonight I baked an Earthquake cake. The house smells heavenly and my nerves are soothed. Pleasure.

This exercise in examining each portion of my day has been valuable. 

I'll continue to seek pleasurable moments to feed my mind, body and soul. Small steps on a daily basis. 

Eat pleasure. Listen to pleasure. Feel pleasure. Smell pleasure. Look at pleasure. Surround yourself and infuse your life with pleasure. This is a life with luster and this is a big part of what makes life worth living. 

-Rachel W Cole

*photo courtesy of missmoss

Mirror, mirror on the wall.

I've been thinking about body image quite a bit lately. Mostly my own.
I'm still working on those last 20 baby lbs from my baby girl. I realize that was 21 years ago and she just brought my grand baby girl into this world. The point is I am still conscious of the weight. I see it in pictures. Suck in the stomach, turn at this angle, wear these colors.
It's not everyday I focus on it, but I am aware.

Negative Space

Who taught me to suck in my stomach,or my cheeks? Who told me to stand with my legs apart and my hips thrust back to create the illusion of a gap between my thighs? Who made me believe that the most beautiful part of me is my negative space? - devonsdiary

Then I ran across that little beauty. I can tell you exactly who told me to do those things. My mom. Yet how do you slim down hip bones? Ain't possible.

Next I found this.

What can your body do?

What an eye, brain and heart opening thought!
Here is my list.
I have a head of silver hair. I'm easy to spot in a crowded event, it screams confidence, it has taught me to accept a compliment wholeheartedly...Thank you!... and I get to see a sexy barber.
I have blue eyes that really are quite stunning.
I have a smile that I believe is contagious.
I have hands that are strong yet gentle with any wee one they come in contact with. They help me tell stories by waving around. They show my Mabes heritage by pointing. My fingers are sensitive to all they touch. I take in memories through my fingers.
I have a midsection that has carried three babies and enjoyed every moment of those twenty seven months. It has weathered a 60lb weight loss. It loves good food, a good laugh, and gelato.
I have hips. I was told "you have good birthing hips" and "a nice black ass" both of which I can now take as a compliment. They are strong. They are what make me a woman.
I have short legs. Just like my little German grandma and grandpa. They are short but powerful. They keep me closer to the children I enjoy my life's work with. They help me meet those football players at Kroger..."can you reach that on the top shelf for me?" Yes, I probably flash my baby blues while I ask.
This is what makes me beautiful.

I had a conversation with a man friend the other day. He is near the same age. We were talking about our aging bodies and the work it takes to make them feel healthy. We talked of what is beautiful or attractive at our 48+ age. That we expect to see some jiggles, stretch marks, hair loss, or hair growing from areas it hadn't before (ears, chins, nose). Oy! Somehow the total package is what is attractive. What we find physically attractive then on top of that the personality; the laugh, goals, the tone of the voice, interests, how they carry and present themselves, and the ability to make someone smile.
I believe that if we have the confidence to own our beauty as we see it, it will allow others to open their eyes and mind to what is beautiful. To look deeper than the image reflected in the mirror.

The Day You Read This - Iain Thomas

On this day, you read something that moved you and made you realise there were no more fears to fear. No tears to cry. No head to hang in shame. That every time you thought you’d offended someone, it was all just in your head and really, they love you with all their heart and nothing will ever change that. That everyone and everything lives on inside you. That that doesn’t make any of it any less real. 

That soft touches will change you and stay with you longer than hard ones. 

That being alone means you’re free. That old lovers miss you and new lovers want you and the one you’re with is the one you’re meant to be with. That the tingles running down your arms are angel feathers and they whisper in your ear, constantly, if you choose to hear them. That everything you want to happen, will happen, if you decide you want it enough. That every time you think a sad thought, you can think a happy one instead. 

That you control that completely. 

That the people who make you laugh are more beautiful than beautiful people. That you laugh more than you cry. That crying is good for you. That the people you hate wish you would stop and you do too.

That your friends are reflections of the best parts of you. That you are more than the sum total of the things you know and how you react to them. That dancing is sometimes more important than listening to the music. 

That the most embarrassing, awkward moments of your life are only remembered by you and no one else. That no one judges you when you walk into a room and all they really want to know, is if you’re judging them. That what you make and what you do with your time is more important than you’ll ever fathom and should be treated as such. That the difference between a job and art is passion. That neither defines who you are. That talking to strangers is how you make friends. 

That bad days end but a smile can go around the world. That life contradicts itself, constantly. That that’s why it’s worth living. 

That the difference between pain and love is time. That love is only as real as you want it to be. That if you feel good, you look good but it doesn’t always work the other way around. 

That the sun will rise each day and it’s up to you each day if you match it. That nothing matters up until this point. That what you decide now, in this moment, will change the future. Forever. That rain is beautiful.

And so are you.

Iain Thomas

Breaking The Rules.

Today I ran across the 7 Cardinal Rules For Life. As part of my New Year's resolution I thought this might be a good place to start because they all impact me directly.
But here's the thing. We should set SMART goals, correct? I think we have all had the professional development in-service or evaluation meeting where we set specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and timely goals. My other resolution of volunteering at the Ronald McDonald House and collecting pop tabs is a goal that can meet the criteria.
But read these rules....

1. Make peace with your past, so it won't disturb your present.
2. What other people think of you, is none of your business.
3. Time heals almost everything, give it time.
4. No one is in charge of your happiness. Except you.
6. Stop thinking too much. It's alright to not know the answers. They will come to you when you least expect it.
7. Smile. You don't own all the problems in the world.

Dang! How do you set goals around those babies?!
Here is my thought. I need to bend or break a couple of these rules for how they apply to me.

"Make peace with your past." and "Stop thinking too much". These two? My kryptonite.
Overall, I'd say I have made peace. But the combination of letting go of behaviors of the past and making my brain stop it's high speed rail to every possible outcome, good and bad, heavy on the absurd, is difficult. Mischuwaka has helped me to loosen the white knuckled fingers from around some of my actions that can wreak havoc in a relationship. Yet I know the rest is up to me if I am going to move forward and see a productive 2014.
So I'm going to set some goals to blast the behaviors of my past and to help facilitate my mind getting off the out of control train.
Not quite sure what they are yet, but I know from experience that acknowledging there is a problem is the first step to recovery.

Hi. I'm Nan. I can't make my mind stop from going into overdrive.