My Vote

See the lady with the lovely beehive...next to the adorable six year old. That is Ruby. She grew up in a small town in southern Virginia. She held a high school degree. She took her right to vote seriously. She educated herself about the people and ballot measures in her national, state and local elections. She would take that cute little six year old with her when she voted. 

She never told her or her husband who she voted for. She said it was the one thing in life she could keep to herself. 

The man on the right was a WWII veteran. Every night after work I saw him reading the newspaper at the kitchen table. No question. You educate yourself. You vote.

This helped to shape how I vote. I don't share that information. I will provide information on a platform that I feel strongly about. I  will encourage everyone to exercise their right to vote. I am proud to say all three of my children voted in the 2016 election. 

I have two thoughts on what we can and need to do. 

How we respond.

As these last few weeks have unfolded I have been, honestly, shocked at some of the responses via social media. Not the amount or way of informing us, but by what friends  have posted. The unfriending. The categorization of who someone is based on the vote they cast. 

My vote does not fully define me...nor do I believe it defines you. 

But I have seen too many people "delete" friendships based on one vote. 

In my mind, if that occurs then you don't know someone. It also closes your mind. Removes any possibility of empathy. 

Many people know that my love and I do not have the same view on all things political. We have had to explore uncomfortable conversations. We have had to decide on what to agree on and what to disagree on. We also know we respect each other. We don't belittle each other. 

What I see on social media is the knee jerk reaction of liking or sharing a post/meme that we find humorous or defending our opinion. In those situations we learn nothing, except they know how to tap the share and post button. 

I have a friend who during the political season and following has written out his thoughts and opinions. I value his posts. He asks for respectful written conversation. He accepts all views. It is a safe place to express ideas.

As you know, dear friends, I work with small children. We have an amazing tool we use with children from birth to six years of age. It's called the six steps of problem solving. Here is the trick...we teach them how to use this skill in all areas of their life. Our hope is that they can carry this into their teenage years and adulthood. 

I see this as the biggest skill missing in life right now. Too many people respond like the six year old who has been raised on flash cards and technology. They regurgitate information and can't look someone in the eye, but hide behind a keyboard. They lack social skills and self regulation. 

Yes, I am going to provide you with this tool. My desire is that you can, daily, practice using the six steps. I promise you will see emotions can be acknowledged and passion can be reigned in. You will discover there is more than one way to solve a problem. You will find more respectful conversations. 

Here it goes...

Six Steps in Resolving Conflicts - slightly adjusted for the needs of adults.
1. Approach calmly, stopping any hurtful actions
Use a calm voice and gentle touch
Remain neutral rather than take sides
Set limits if necessary

2. Acknowledge adult’s feelings
“You look really upset”
Let people know you need to hold any object in question
Describe their actions

3. Gather information
Ask for information from each person and listen carefully

4. Restate the problem
“So the problem is…”

5. Ask for ideas for solutions and choose one together
“What can we do to solve this problem?”
Encourage participants to think of a solution
Help clarify the details

6. Be prepared to give follow-up support
Describe how they solved the problem

HighScope-6 Steps In Resolving Conflicts

The second is also how we respond.
I believe change happens with us as individuals in the community we live in. 
Get out. Serve. Move your hands, legs, and heart to heal your community, city, state. 
"Be the change you wish to see in the world." -Gandhi 
“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”   - Mr. Rogers

My prayer, wish, dream, desire...
That we will create an environment for safe conversations.
That we will be helpers...for anyone. 
That we will create honest change.
Be kind. 
Look out for one another.  
Be a human safety pin, band aid, security blanket. 

The Finger of Judgement - A Poke In the Eye

Over the last few weeks as I have scrolled through my social media reel I have been regularly bombarded with comments, quotes, news threads, memes,  and videos. 

Some are uplifting. Some, not so much.

This week we followed up a trip to the zoo with a night of dancing and Disney World.

Each of those outings should be joyful. Adventurous. Educational. Exciting. Memory bubbles.

Each ended in loss. Deep, painful loss.

Memory bubbles that people involved or who witnessed want to burst.

However it appears we are all now award winning specialists in parenting, corporate business, guns, political science, zoological studies, Photoshop and meme creations. 

Yet as I scroll...I continually remind myself I admire and respect the diversity of my friends. 

I have yet to hide or unfriend someone because of their posts.

But I think we need a little eye exam. 

We keep blaming people. 

People we have never met. 

We judge people we don't know. 

We unfriend someone because their posts annoy us, rub the wrong way. 

Or tell people to unfriend us if they don't agree with us.

We keep pointing our finger at someone. Anyone. 

We are all crammed in here. 

Someone is going to get a finger in the eye. 

I've been judged since I was little. Poked in the eye you could say. 

Here is a list I started of the times I recall someone making a judgmental comment. 

My freckles. 

For saying "aunt" instead of "ant".

In middle school when we were learning about WWII and the Nazi involvement. My maiden name is Weitzel. My great great grandparents came over from Germany. A kid asked me if I was a Nazi...in the 70's in rural Ohio. 

I participated in band and drama in high school.

During college I was called a N lover because my boyfriend was black. Some of you just judged me. Either because I dated a black man or because I referred to the N word or because I didn't say the N word. 

Then I converted to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. LDS. Mormons. 

I was judged for choosing to have three babies instead of stopping with the American nuclear family. 

Not coloring my hair.

Wearing my hair short.

My physical size. 

Leaving the LDS church.

Online dating. 

I post too many pictures about ice cream and #foodporn. 

There are those of you who would say it's more along the line of teasing. But teasing means you aren't comfortable with something or someone different than you. 

The judgment isn't new. We have all experienced it. 

It's public now. It's on a larger scale.

It's not just about freckles anymore. 

Social media means we can do it behind the keyboard.

We don't even have to respond. We just blindly post...point our finger...and walk away. No responsibility for our verbal or meme actions. 

We are cyber bullies. 

Even if it's for LGBT rights. We are bullies. 

Even if it's for religious freedom. We are bullies. 

Even if it's for animal rights. We are bullies. 

I fully believe in the freedom of speech. But if all you do is talk, shout, yell, scream... 

We..the adults... have become nothing more than a nation of toddlers having a tantrum and won't take a breathe long enough to listen to the adults around us who might be willing to compromise...or just ask a clarifying question.

Here is the thing.

Mr. Z. If you know him. Friends with him on social media. You know he is pretty conservative when it comes to his political views. 

I, on the other hand, am not as conservative. More of the bleeding heart, give the money to the children, but can we repair the USA before we go trying to fix other countries? Patriotic down to my toes. And yes, I think we should have guns...with limits. 

As you can guess Mr. Z and I do not see eye to eye on all things political. 

You ask, How do we do it?

We talk. Actually talk. And...get this, we listen. Listen with the intent to understand. 

We listen so we can explain to others what makes our love tick. 

Also. We clearly understand, accept, feast and revel in the mere fact that our political views are not what make us...individuals or a couple. 

There is SO much more to know, learn from and love about a person.

My goal?

“...people change, even good people, if they get the wrong thing in their head. And not everything is always what it looks like and sometimes just because one person looks weak, they might be very strong, and another person might look like a spooky freak but he might be one of the kindest people you'd ever meet. And I guess I learned that time is slippery...We have to enjoy every second, love with all our hearts, all we can, while we can.” -Lee Thompson

Personally I think there are better ways to express our thoughts, beliefs, opinions.

First, if you don't like what you see. It irritates your eyes? Scroll on. 

Second, open your fists.

Third, breathe.

Fourth, truly make a heartfelt attempt to listen with understanding.

Fifth, make educated decisions about what you post. Post to cultivate.

Does this life make me look 50?

Here I am on the eve of turning fifty years old. 

No need to pull out the Lawrence Welk reruns and Geritol yet.....

maybe I should say Brady Bunch and Swanson Frozen Dinner to align with my era. 

But does my life make me look fifty? 

Does it smell old? Has it seen better days? Does it look dated?

No. 

It is current and geared up for adventure.

So I'll hand out a few gems of wisdom from these first fifty years of childhood. 

I'll start with one that influences women and men.

Body image. 

How about my obvious physical characteristic. Silver hair. 

I started turning gray in my late twenties. When I was thirty three I was mostly gray and decided to "let it go" before it became a Disney sensation. 

Yes kids, I was the undiscovered muse for Elsa. 

As I settled into my graying and then silver hair I had to address the rest of the outward images that caused people to judge...or caused me to assume they judge. My freckles had long been a source of an impaired self image. Body shape...the hips don't lie. 

Throw in some glasses to correct that legally blind eye sight. 

I couldn't rely on the media or my mother to empower me to love...me. 

I had to make that decision. It was and is a hard road filled with detours, people who have better transportation and potholes...bread, tall friends, and gelato to start. 

But everyday I keep a gps with me and my eyes straight ahead. 

I am a strong, healthy, beautiful and worthy of great love. 

Dating in my forties...well I discovered many men were still looking for a body type. 

An image. A brand label. Someone to make them look younger, sexier, desirable, wealthy. 

 I became selective about what I was attracted to...hands, work ethic, shoulder width, smiles accompanied with good teeth and a hearty laugh. 

I also found that a real man had his own physical foibles and owned them. They acknowledged as we age...everything settles, grows, flops somewhere else. 

Therefore love comes from a deeper place within us. 

For ourselves and each other.

Let's move on.

The next sparkly gem is that ability to overcome obstacles in life.

Everything from teenagers to divorce to a family history of addictions to religion to the hospice care of dying parents to unemployment. I have taken it on. 

At first I would allow the event to overwhelm my life. I would blame others. 

 When you blame others for your problems...they typically aren't there to fix it or save you. 

Because it's not their concern. 

They are onto the next best thing, or drama, in their life.

It was up to me to seek solutions. To forgive myself. To ask for help. 

To get my hands dirty and do the work of cleaning out the mess of my life. 

Do you know what comes with that hard work? 

You unlock your own super hero. 

That. Is empowering. 

Yes, even asking for help can be empowering. 

This next jewel goes hand in hand. 

Once you are in your superhero cape? 

Don't apologize for your strength. Don't make excuses for your abilities. Don't look back. 

The last nugget of knowledge I can pass along from these first fifty years of childhood...

Those troubles. 

Obstacles.

Finances.

People.

Worries.

Give them away. 

The one constant in my life that my parents passed along was that there is a God greater than me and He loves me. 

He loves my silver hair.

He loves my kids when they are reeking havoc on my mind and heart. 

He loves my worries.

He loves the people that drive me batty.

Recently a young man with a huge heart for God said it this way.

Christ is standing there with open hands just waiting for you to put those concerns into his hands. When you do he will say "Thank you, I have been waiting for this."

Sometimes I have to be on the floor in tears with white knuckles grasping the problem. 

I have been trying so long on my own that I can't imagine a life without that pain or heartache. 

When we place our kids, our worries, our battles in His hands we can receive peace. 

Grace.

I know this to be true. 

I handed over Ed. I handed over Peanut, Bean, and Iam. I handed over my love life. 

Without Gods hands all in my mess, like a child and finger paint, how could I have a Thanksgiving meal with Ed in Mr. Z's home? 

Without His hands in my mess how could I sleep at night while I have had teenagers with a prefrontal cortex that isn't fully developed? 

Without His hands in my mess how could I have been led to the man who is my needle in the ginormous haystack? 

So dear friend, does this life make me look fifty?

Possibly. Certain days I feel all fifty years. 

The majority of the time I'm ready to dance my next fifty out.

What I know? All those sayings that I love to share...

There is joy in the journey.

Everyday I choose.

All is well.

She took a deep breathe and let it go.

Even though she be but little, she is fierce.

They are all shadowed by this...

Wound care. Applying a cool compress to difficult conversations.

Heal your wounds.
These are words that the man said.
How?
Have those difficult conversations.

When we have relationships that are strained due to a verbal injury there are times we think if we just treat it like the old adage "starve a cold, feed a fever" or is it the other way around...that it will heal itself.
Just as we all questioned that old wives tale if we follow that advice we will be left with questions. Did I do enough? Or too little? But they didn't text first. Will we ever talk again? How awkward will that meeting be? What if I run into them at Kroger? I'll just switch which Kroger I shop at. What?!
It becomes too petty.

If we truly want happiness. Peace. Then we have to have those conversations.
Nurse Nan(cy) prescribes biting the bullet.
Over the last five years I have become pretty adept at this process.
I offer a few pointers. 

• Don't rush the process. Take the time to think, pray, meditate about how these conversations could go. Maybe this is psyching yourself up? Or mindfulness? Or hating the dentist but knowing you have to go and face the fear. 
• Write down important points you want to make. Sit with that for a few days. As you continue to pray, meditate, think, walk...more points might come to mind...or some might fall off the list. Similar to the referral list for a new doctor. 
• If you have several people to talk to regarding one topic consider the order of who and why. You wouldn't tell the town gossip about your elective cosmetic surgery before you tell your kids. 
• Easier said than done...don't get defensive. Your purpose here is to heal a wound so you can have happiness and peace. Whether that means with that person in your life at the end of the talk, or not. If you become defensive you are back at the first point. Reschedule surgery. 

With a healthy conversation we can let go of the pain to a friendship, injury to an ego, or surgically remove the cyst that is reeking havoc on our entire system. 

Man! Take Time To Know Yourself!

Over the last three years of online dating I have come to one conclusion. 

A large portion of men do not take the time to reflect and heal themselves after their divorce. 

They assume that the weight of the problem is cut lose when the papers are signed. When that woman is no longer there. 

The men I have met quickly jump into dating. 

From there I have discovered there are three categories. 

The Flybys. These men date as many women as they possibly can in a short period of time. It's a blur. Typically they call you "babe" or "honey" or "sexy little lady". I think this is so they don't need to recall names. We are all the same. But they cannot settle and are distracted by shiny things...like other women. 

The Almost Made It Guys. They aren't always getting over an ex from a divorce it may just be the last steady girlfriend. These men are a little more selective in their dating process. They actually pick women who may fulfill their criteria. You may date for several months or just a few dates. As the woman you think "this is going pretty well." Then the phone call. The excuses vary. The ex girlfriend called. You live too far away. You are a great gal, but he just doesn't feel it. It ends abruptly.

This last group is a subcategory of the Almost Made It Guys. This small flock is a rare breed. Very difficult to come by, but when you do you actually come across one you may have the potential to remain friends....but only if you have taken the time to know yourself first. These men are actually honest. You may date for several months. Great conversations that are a balance of intellect, goofy, embarrassing tales, and deep soul searching. Your times together are comfortable and enjoyable. But then...they can't move any further. They freeze. A shocking realization that they are not a whole man comes into their line of sight. These men see that entire pieces of them are still bruised or angry or downright smushed. These men break the icy layer, turn to you with a clear eye and tell you they can't go forward because they are still broken inside and it's not up to you to fix them. Did I say painfully honest? They care about your feelings and know it's not right to lead a woman on. This man? when he has completed the journey of getting to know himself as an individual will be a fine catch for a specific woman. 

Because this is what I have learned. Men and women. No matter how amicable your divorce was or how nasty it was...if you don't take the time to Stop. 

Look inside. 

Take inventory. 

Decide what you need to keep, what is to be thrown out, and what can be reused. 

Mend the reusable. 

Remove the trash...whether it's bad thoughts or negative energy or unrealistic expectations. 

Get a big ol' dumpster and pitch away. 

This often involves some heavy lifting, screaming and one or two tears at least. 

But get it out. 

Or you will never move on.

Then.

Just sit with what is left. Look at it. Hold it up to the light and fresh air. Let it breathe. Enjoy what you have discovered...on your own. You discovered it yourself. Relish the discovery by yourself.

Then, and only then.

Open the door to allow selective applicants in to browse.

Unless you know yourself how will you know who really appreciates your masterpiece?

Online Dating At Almost 50.

For those of you that want the cliffs notes version.... possibly the time I had my eye irrigated was more enjoyable. 

For those of you that want to hang around for the full text version. Settle in. We are taking off on Mr. Toad's Wild Ride of Online Dating.

See Mr. Toad above? Online dating is the same. Your eyes spin and half the time you feel like a train is heading straight at you. Did you ever have the opportunity to experience Mr. Toad's Wild Ride? Then you recall how it would jerk you left and right and then ended with a fizzling blah exit. 

I'd say this accurately describes online dating at almost 50.  

I ran across this article a week or so ago. This Is How We Date Now. I would say it is a fair explanation of how the world of social media has jeopardized dating, relationships, intimacy and romance. Men and women alike know that if this one doesn't work out there are thousands more to choose from. Social media dating diminishes trust and promotes one or both of the parties to lie and cover up. 

It has provided a platform where men and women alike can hide behind a screen. 

Basic consideration, decorum and manners are left behind. Messages can be rude and/or crude. Seriously, twenty-four year old? I'm not your Demi Moore. 

A potential date may have posted pictures from years ago so that if you then decide to meet face to face you wonder "did they think I wouldn't notice?"  

Then there is what they write about themselves. Did you know that most available men in a twenty five mile radius of Ann Arbor are laid back? They also like to laugh. May I ask...who doesn't like to laugh, really? But the deeper issue is that daters can state that they are looking for a lasting relationship. Yet once you meet and the conversation expands you discover they actually are looking for a relationship that lasts until the milk in your fridge expires. 

I'm not wanting to bash men in general. I have met enough to know that there are women out there playing the same games. I just wish they came with warnings or a review written by their last four dates. 

A little over a year ago I made the post Mr. Incredible. Accepting Applications. 

Nothing has changed. I'm still looking for my Bob Parr. I still believe he is out there. I don't believe that Heavenly Father kept me here to live my life without a loving, supportive, adventurous, passionate, respectful man. A man who is capable of taking on my intensity for love, life and wee babies. 

So here I am again....note dazzling photo below....asking you, dear reader for your assistance. I still think the best way for me to meet someone will be naturally or through one of you. Because you know me best. You know what makes me brave, graceful, sensitive, and slightly addicted to gelato. 

It's time to get Nan off Mr. Toad's Wild Ride and onto the Tomorrowland Transit Authority with Mr. Incredible as the conductor. 

In return I promise an Iorio's gelato trip for the matchmaker along with my Bob Parr. 

Scatter Glitter or How To Set the World Back in Balance

“I believe that this way of living, this focus on the present, the daily, the tangible, this intense concentration not on the news headlines but on the flowers growing in your own garden, the children growing in your own home, this way of living has the potential to open up the heavens, to yield a glittering handful of diamonds where a second ago there was coal. This way of living and noticing and building and crafting can crack through the movie sets and soundtracks that keep us waiting for our own life stories to begin, and set us free to observe the lives we have been creating all along without even realizing it.”   -Shauna Niequist

I have been struggling over the last couple of months with many social media posts. Typically I can keep scrolling past the ones that cause a little bit of  allergic reaction. But all too often it has felt that I have been immersed in posts that are, for good and bad, creating my skin to crawl. I'll be very honest. The posts of save the lives of black men. Save the lives of police officers. This is difficult for me. Do I have to choose?  I have some very dear friends who are black men. Yes, I want them saved. I have a nephew who is a boarder patrol officer. Do I want his life saved? Most certainly. He is a fine, upstanding, respectful man who serves his country. I cannot pick a side.

I sat back and inspected why. Why was this irritating me? When it all came into focus the beauty was amazing. I have a vast kaleidoscope of friends. I have been truly blessed. Races, age range, cultures, political views, education, sexual orientation, religious beliefs. I value each friendship for what they have brought to my life as an individual.  But what I found was the mixture could be a bit toxic.

I have always been the bleeding heart. Save the children. Feed the World. Kumbaya singing kind of gal. Realistically? I do know that unless my name is Oprah or Angelina the possibility of me saving a village is slim. But, I do know that I can focus on the flowers in my garden, the children in my home or city or state, the friends in need right now with an immediate need of daily prayer. By small ways, small tasks, intimate interactions I can scatter glitter around my world.

Recently a friend had an uncomfortable interaction with a customer service agent via telephone. Overhearing her conversation was just as uncomfortable. She was treated....let's say...guilty no matter what. Later in the day she called another customer service agent regarding the same issue and was provided empathy and a listening ear. At the end of the day this friend made an appointment to give blood through The Red Cross. She felt that it was one small way to set the world back into balance.

As we move into the new year I pray that you, my incredibly beautiful diverse friend, will join me and find your own way to set your corner of the world back into balance. How will you scatter the handful of glitter?

Breaking The Rules.

Today I ran across the 7 Cardinal Rules For Life. As part of my New Year's resolution I thought this might be a good place to start because they all impact me directly.
But here's the thing. We should set SMART goals, correct? I think we have all had the professional development in-service or evaluation meeting where we set specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and timely goals. My other resolution of volunteering at the Ronald McDonald House and collecting pop tabs is a goal that can meet the criteria.
But read these rules....

1. Make peace with your past, so it won't disturb your present.
2. What other people think of you, is none of your business.
3. Time heals almost everything, give it time.
4. No one is in charge of your happiness. Except you.
6. Stop thinking too much. It's alright to not know the answers. They will come to you when you least expect it.
7. Smile. You don't own all the problems in the world.

Dang! How do you set goals around those babies?!
Here is my thought. I need to bend or break a couple of these rules for how they apply to me.

"Make peace with your past." and "Stop thinking too much". These two? My kryptonite.
Overall, I'd say I have made peace. But the combination of letting go of behaviors of the past and making my brain stop it's high speed rail to every possible outcome, good and bad, heavy on the absurd, is difficult. Mischuwaka has helped me to loosen the white knuckled fingers from around some of my actions that can wreak havoc in a relationship. Yet I know the rest is up to me if I am going to move forward and see a productive 2014.
So I'm going to set some goals to blast the behaviors of my past and to help facilitate my mind getting off the out of control train.
Not quite sure what they are yet, but I know from experience that acknowledging there is a problem is the first step to recovery.

Hi. I'm Nan. I can't make my mind stop from going into overdrive.

Beneath your beautiful.

I came across this song by Labrinth featuring Emeli Sande on Friday night. I cannot get enough of it. I'm not hearing it as a romantic ballad, but in the light of all relationships. 

" Would you let me see beneath your beautiful?

 Would you let me see beneath your perfect?"

How often is that the case? We put on a mask to cover what we really are. Too fearful of what the other person might find beneath the mask. 

Does the mask get heavy at times? Mine did. I set it down a few years ago. Here are my scars. Here are my pimples. Here are my bruises. Here are my stretch marks. It's not pretty. 

I believe that as women we are masterful at the masquerade. Our lives are perfect, our children are sweet and do no wrong, our marriages are happy and healthy, and our homes are sparkly clean. Inside we might say "I will never let you in close enough to see otherwise".

You know what? My life was not perfect. My parents were dysfunctional. My kids have made some mistakes and have dealt with drugs, ocd tendencies, and a divorce. Well, there you go! My marriage was not happy. So many people were shocked when I told them Ed and I were divorcing. That's because I put so much dang energy into cleaning and polishing a heavy mask! 

What I have discovered is that when I show people "me" I have deeper interactions and receive genuine support. Starting this blog has been part of that process. Taking off the mask of divorce and parenting and showing what one woman has experienced. 

I went out to dinner with Silver a week or so ago. We had a very deep conversation about some current life events. Because we have been open and honest we were able to convey true empathy for each other. How supportive and cleansing that can feel! When someone shows us empathy we are able to process the issue in a different manner. No one is telling us how to fix it. 

Let's say I come over to your house and you have a mountain of dishes. I could say "Geez! That is a lot of dishes. You know if you rinsed them right away after you used them the food wouldn't harden and then when you do the dishes immediately after you finish eating it won't take you as long." How does that feel? Want me to come over again? Or I could say "Geez! That is a lot of dishes. Which one held the best meal?" or "You've been so busy. It's hard to get to the dishes right a way." Does that feel better? A small dose of empathy can carry me for weeks. Ok, days.

As I have moved into new relationships I have made it a goal to not allow masks. Instead I share my faults and my beauties. With Wicked no topic is off limits. He knew some ugly things early on. It has given our relationship integrity. The same goes for my Gooseberries. I say that knowing that we did not have this mask free zone until three years ago. We had lowered the mask, but not fully removed it until then.

I encourage you to do the same.

Remove your mask. 

Allow someone to see beneath your beautiful. 

Can it be Wonderland?

Just like Alice I fell down a deep dark hole a few years ago. Instead of staying there sinking and stinking in my own pity I climbed, crawled and scratched my way out. 

Could I be in a Wonderland. Do you have those moments? You feel as if life is...what is that? Making sense. Balanced. 

It's an overwhelming feeling that I hesitate to fully embrace.

But here it goes.....

I am happy!

A new job that is challenging and exciting. Daily I walk up thinking "am I really here?" 

I fully trust my relationship with Wicked. Distance no longer scares me. This quote has been uplifting.

“Long distance is hard. You have to trust that as you each change on your own, your relationship will also change along with you. It takes hope, good humor, and idealism. It takes a massive dose of courage to protect the relationship at all odds. It is hard, but worth it. You'll both be stronger as a result.” 

― Craig M. Mullaney, The Unforgiving Minute: A Soldier's Education 

Humor. We got plenty of that.

My boys are...well they are teenagers but I know I can handle what is coming. 

My Gooseberries are my gang and I know that I can go to them with anything and I will be loved and supported. A judgement free zone.

You are saying "but Nan! You know that could all change tomorrow."

Yes, I do. I know life changes in a second when you are looking the opposite direction.

I know...from experience...over and over again...that a new trial will come soon. 

But what I am able to do now is glean small bits of happiness from each moment.

The sun in my eyes on my morning ride to work. Sun? In Michigan in March? Happy!

Hearing Wicked crack a joke less than 24 hours after major surgery. Happy!

My boys clearing all the branches from the storm and getting along. Happy!

Talking with a Gooseberry tonight and laughing. Laughter. Happy!

One day. One step. One moment at a time. There we can find our Wonderland.

The 15 ...err 30 day challenge.

I decided to take this challenge and spread it out a bit. I realized that I need a bit more time to think and do a little internal investigation on a few of these questions.

My goal in the end? To create a larger plan for myself over this next year. I'll go into that a little more with a few of the questions.

The first round is easy.

1. A little about you; Age, occupation, story behind your url, school major.

I am a freshly minted 47 year old woman. Divorced. Looking for Mr. Incredible, but content with myself and my teenage boys, so no rush. I know how to pull off gray hair and I have some seriously sweet eyes. I have a small obsession with shoes.
Currently I am in customer service and training. Both areas that I love and I believe play on my talents. Talking and helping.
But Your Soul You Must Keep, Totally Free is a line from Awake My Soul by Mumford and Sons. The song is deeply moving for me. Little gems in the entire song.
I graduated with a bachelors in Child Care Administration and spent close to 10 years as a director of a child care center. It was time for a change. I am still in the Early Childhood field and looking to tweak my direction there.

Who is with me?

Who is with me? I am going to start this on January 1, 2013.
I am struggling with loss and feeling like I am in need of change. But! I am a little scared of change right now so I think that taking these simple steps will provide some insight as to what I am looking for in me and around me and for me.
If you want to join me yet aren't ready to go public, privately send me your daily writings. I would be thrilled to keep them sweetly sacred.

7 deadly sins

I borrowed this from Whispering Sweet Nothings. 

pride

seven great things in your life.

1. Peanut.

2. Bean.

3. Iam.

4. The gospel.

5. A work team that shares the same vision.

6. The Gooseberry Gals.

7.  My internal motivation.

envy

seven things you lack and covet.

1. Lake Champlain Dark Chocolate Sea Salt Caramels.

2. Time.

3. Perfect skin.

4. Two sizes smaller.

5. A man who lives nearby.

6. Patience.
7. Dependable car.

wrath

seven things that make you angry

1. Adults who behave like children.

2. People who abuse children verbally, emotionally or physically.

3. The economy.

4. Greedy individuals.

5.  Ignorance.

6. Bad drivers.

7.  Politics.

sloth

seven things that you neglect to do.

1. Dust.

2. Reign in my Michigan emotions.

3. Let go of a past offense.

4. Exercise regularly.

5.  Check Powerschool regularly.

6. Not overanalyze every situation.

7.Rake the leaves.

greed

seven worldly material desires.

1. A reliable car.

2.  Tickets to see Mumford and Sons.

3.  Season tickets to University of Michigan football.

4.  College tuition paid for Peanut

5. College tuition paid for Bean.

6. College tuition paid for Iam.

7. Unlimited airline miles.

gluttony

seven guilty pleasures.

1. Lake Champlain Dark Chocolate Sea Salt Caramels

2. Mumford and Son.s

3. Green Mint Chip Ice cream. 

4. Phone calls with Wicked.

5. The Bachelor(ette).

6. Chai.

7. Facebook.

lust

seven things you love about love

1. The butterflies.

2. Sweet texts.

3. Holding hands.

   4. Laughing at/with each other.

5. The touch on the small of your back.

6. Back scratches.

7. Sharing dessert.

Vertically challenged.

" Don't place your mistakes on your head, their weight may crush you. Instead, place them under your feet and use them as a platform to view your horizons."

If we have not met you don't know that I am...well...short. I'm not oompa loompa short, but I have been known to ask strangers to get things off the top shelf in the grocery store. Basically I see eye to eye with many twelve year olds. I have never let my height deter me. I'll climb on anything to get a better view. Kitchen tongs are my best friend.

When I saw this quote I realized that this is exactly what I have done over the last couple of years. Both sides. At first I carried and dragged my troubles. They caused pain in my whole body, mind, and soul. My hands ached from holding on so tight. Bruised shoulders from hoisting my troubles up higher. Why do we take such good care of our pain?

In the last year and a half I have taken my troubles... My pain. My anger. Frustration. Sadness. Loss. Fear. I have layered them one upon the other. Some haphazardly thrown and some neatly placed. They are now my platform. At times I will spread them out to create a path through mud. My own great wall you could say. I am led to a better view. New people. New experiences. Some I leave behind and move on because other troubles will come along. Hopefully they are smaller and lighter, but they will be there, and I will place them under my feet. They will lift me higher. I will have a better view from up here. From here... I see the next big adventure.