Wounds.

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”
― Rumi

We all have wounds from the various roads we have taken. Most wounds heal. Often there are scars. I continue to wrestle with what and how I should share this journey. For example, I don't feel like I need to rehash all the nasty parts of the divorce. The decision, my low self esteem, telling the kids, telling friends and family, dividing possessions, moving, seeing Ed, being taught three times to leave my phone in the car because I can't take it in the courthouse, looking at myself in the mirror. I am pretty sure you can imagine it was painful. Yet I can't ignore that part of the journey either because there is where some of my most important discoveries lie. I don't want to pick at the wound, but I do need to expose it to light and fresh air. That is where the healing process begins. That is what I want to share.

My mind and soul were what took the hardest blows. It would be easier to look away from the bloody mass. I needed to open them up so the light would illuminate the damage and I could see what should be addressed first. I didn't walk around showing the gore to everyone. I'm a social person, but I didn't rip the band aid off to the clerk at Kroger. Admittedly, the bandage did fall off at the end of a meeting once...not pretty. But my closest friends...they were invited to see the real damage. What was surprising? They didn't scream, or run, or gag, or laugh. They sat with me. The worked with me. They provided resources and ice cream and chocolate milk. They were honest. Questions were not sugary and simple, but deep and sincere. There was never pressure to answer those questions in a timely fashion. They were meant to help me think about me. My answers came eventually. They are still coming. Those friends are still here. They are a part of the light that enters me.

Which wound did I address first? Looking back I believe it was my soul. I needed to find the beauty, intelligence, wit, and passion in my soul. Once my soul was in triage my mind, heart, and body fell into place. My life now is not all rose petals and cool breezes. Some days still really stink up the place. That is when I know I need to open up and let some light in. It's okay to have wounds. It's how you treat them.